Miss you man..

Its been so long since I've written in here, I think it was my wedding. The last big impacting event in my life. So sad that this current blog is to help me put out my thoughts and feelings for the recent impact in my life.

Adam I hope you knew I loved you man. You were like 1 of 3 or so guys that I met up here in Washington that I could say was a friend. Hanging out was always fun, and we always had our heated discussions, especially when it came to you and your beloved Broncos. I think I'll always be a bronco fan after meeting you. Still have no clue why you loved them, but boy did you.

I'll never understand why you carried so many demons, and found it so hard to let go of the small stuff. I guess we were both similar in that fashion, but ultimately where I was able to let things go, you just couldn't. You had your good streaks and your bad streaks but were always able to clean your shit up and get your business taken care of.

I will always wonder if I was a good enough friend, if I listened enough, or did enough for you. I tried like hell to help you in your fight and always tried to keep in touch when you left the restaurant. You were one of the hardest workers that I ever met, even if you refused to make a pizza.

When we first met you thought I was a snot nosed punk who couldn't boil a pot of water to save my own ass, and I thought you were just another dishwasher/janitor who didn't know anything about working in a fine dining restaurant. Well we were both wrong, and we both tore shit up at the Cliffhouse. I'll never forget those days, they were some of the best I ever had.

I'm just so sad, angry, dumbfounded by your choice to give up. You had so much to fight for, and I'm pissed we'll never argue over the bronco's and chargers again. Or go watch a Mariners game only to spend the entire time arguing over who has better taste in women.

I'll miss you man..

Donec iterum conveniant

Sweet Summer...

So I have officially tied the knot. Wow, I think this summer has been the longest and easily the best of my life. I just want to thank you for being there to share it with me Dee. It was fun and my first time in Hawaii, or Maui to be specific. I must say it was awesome there and I can't wait to go back. Although I don't think any trip out there can match this one.

Onto other news... Congrats to you Dee, I can't wait to be there for your big day. Just let me know when any news develops.

So we have a new season of football starting soon, and basketball just on the horizon. Going to be interesting this year. I can't figure out who I'll be rooting for this football season, I've grown attached to the hawks while living up here but at the same time I still secretly cheer for the Chargers and Raiders.

As always the Lakers should be a sure in for the playoffs this year, just gotta see how they play during the year and if they can stay focused all year. It's going to be interesting to see how the east coast shapes up now that Lebron and his lackeys are trying to team up for a ring. Plus its going to be funny to see Shaq in a Celtic jersey. He's such a fucking joke, I can't wait to laugh at him as he tries to jump on another bandwagon. Bah... how the once mighty fall, eh?

Well I am done with all the wedding stuff and sports stuff. Onto important things... I finally converted and joined the evil empire. Yes, it's true I got a mac.... My father is so disappointed but I couldn't help it. It was just so sexy and calling to me. Plus with the great perks for teachers I couldn't pass up using the wife's career for free gear. Got a free ipod touch for her and a wireless printer and a 50 dollar discount off my mac. I only splurged a little and got the mac mini. My next mac will be the Mac Pro, but that's when I can afford to drop 3k's on a computer, which may not be for a while. I'll be sure to give you some feedback on the Mac once I've had more than a day with it. So far so good though.

Well... joe out..

A giant leap...

We haven't blogged on this site for a long time. I've gotta say, this past week was amazing. I was at Joe's wedding in Maui. Beautiful beach/sunset, tasty reception, great company. Really, I don't think it could have gone any smoother. Hopefully Joe and his wife are relaxing on the beach and working on their tans while I pump out this blog.

On my end, I finally proposed to my girl after three and half years. It was under the moonlit sky on a beach in Maui. I'm excited and looking forward to the next phase of my life. On the downside, flying back to LA, I miss her like crazy and am now sure how I'm going to make it through the next week.

Everything has changed with 3rd year of residency. It's the cliche everything is the same, but completely different. Expectations have changed, people are riding me harder. I'm kind of tired and beaten up on the inside. I don't think that I've changed that much, it's reassuring, but also scares me. I'm not sure if I've become that much better of a doctor over the past year. I hit a plateau midway through the year that I never really fully recovered from. There has been a lot of self doubt and waning motivation. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to give up. But I cannot and will not give up. I'll get through another day, overcome the insults and yelling and all that frustrations that come with the system that I work in. There really is no easy job out there and I'm daily reminded that I should be thankful for a job. It's rough out there for everyone. I guess that's just life.

Other changes since my last post. My sister in law is pregnant, so that's been a huge blessing. It's gonna be an interesting year...

-bender

Damn it...I'm gonna get a new camera phone

Today kind of sucked. One of my stone surgeries went terriby wrong. One of my kids got filled up with irrigation, became hyponatremic with seizures and had to be taken back to the OR. He is in the PICU and hopefully doing better. Anyhow, while I was waiting for my kid to go to the OR, I saw a group of suits walking down the operating suites of CHLA with this guy...

The guy is freakishly tall and has ridiculously long arms. Looks like a hunched ape now that I think about it. Anyhow, I freak out like a little teenage girl and try to get my picture taken on my phone. My phone fails me...not once, but twice. Mother-f'er. WTF! No picture with pau. Damn it. Meanwhile, my attending is walking to the OR and asking me if pau is a big deal. Really? well, he kind is. At least to me.

-bender

Best feeling...

It may seem weird, but after all this cooking, and getting my butt kicked in many kitchens. I still get the same rush and feeling when I'm pumping out food and getting compliments from customers. Sure, cooking isn't surgery or rocket science but it's still something that I take pride in. I'm not sure it's something that everyone can't do, but it's something that I can do, and I take pride sharing with others. Along with my work the wedding planning is chugging along and I think I'm going balder and growing grey hairs every passing day.

On the fun side, I've been watching a lot of WWF lately. And I think I've found my new favorite song. It's called S.O.S and it's the intro for Kofi Kingston, a Jamaican superstar. I'm actually thikning about going down to Portland in March to watch a match. I just need to find someone to go with me. Cuz kim won't be able to take a day off so I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do.

Well other than that I need to keep trying to not be fat so I don't look gargantuas for my wedding. Take it easy bro, and tell the familia I said hello.

Joe out

peace out 2009

Man, this year flew by. I still don't know jack, but a few cliche thoughts on life in general

- Every year is rough, but each year things get a little big more complicated
- Things like cars, money, etc. suck to live without, but really, it doesn't mean anything if you don't have the time to enjoy it and people you love to share it with (yeah, I ended the sentence with "with")
- You know how you become an angry bitter old person? Life. Live every day busting your ass, chasing people down and kicking your own ass. Before you know it, you're that mean old guy that nobody likes.
- You know you're getting old when you read calvin and hobbes and the only characters to can relate to are mom and dad

I saw a pretty nice quote from the dalai lama "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

Any new year's resolutions? naw...the same as always. Try to be a good person and do the right thing every time.

Merry Christmas homie...

-bender

She's got whatever It is

Hey Bro,

Wow, it's been a long time since we've posted on this thing.

First things first. Congratulations again on getting engaged! It's about time. She's awesome and I'm very happy for you guys. It was good to see you during break. Sorry I was such a wimp, I'm just tired all the time. I'll be sure to go up and visit you later this winter.

Anyhow, I've been at children's hospital LA this past month. It's been a nice break from county. The hours are a lot nicer and so are the people. I've made a lot of friends in and about the hospital, so I've been having fun. I've been operating my ass off doing small cases like circumcisions to back to back living donor kidney transplants. All in all, it's been a humbling experience. I'm in a new environment and there's always a lot of stuff going on. I've been trying my best, but I keep forgetting small details, names, faces, etc.

It's hard to be a good surgeon...you have to know all the medicine, but also kick ass in the operating room. I'm been getting reamed lately for my mistakes and it's a little tough because I've been beating myself up over all of my mistakes...probably a little more than I should. It's hard to be on top of your game all the time. I'm kind of tired, every once in a while you're tempted to take a shortcut, not look up a lab/study, miss a detail on the physical exam. While these things are all understandable, they're not really forgiveable. I'm thinking I might want to do pediatric urology, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for it. The guys I work with are a moody bunch, but they're really in a league of their own. I've been feeling really dumb a lot lately. I know I'm a pretty smart guy, but it's been a humbling month. I'm tired bro.

Long distance is a bit rough too. Gonna see my girl this weekend for the first time in 3 months. Pretty stoked about that. A guy's got needs - somebody to watch movies with on the weekend, try out new restaurants around town, take to holiday parties, etc. LD is hard.

I've been listening to a lot of country again. I've listened to this song about 200 times this month, according to iTunes.



Talk to you soon bro

-bender