I Know You're Reading This

Violating all rules of this board. Sorry Joe. Don't read this. This helps me get through the day.

I wish I were smarter...then maybe I'd know where I went wrong. Responded with longer emails, laughed a little harder at your esoteric jokes. You've gotta admit though, even the indie comedies aren't very funny.

What can I do now? Sometimes I catch myself staring at the wall, then it's time to go to sleep. The breakthroughs are rapidly getting less frequent. But I'm just so used to doing everything with you; I just don't know what to do (1). I thought about going to your work. I don't own a boombox, but maybe I could borrow a friend's iPOD and hook up some speakers. I'm pretty weak, but I think I could hold out through the duration of your eyes (2). I couldn't and you wouldn't say anything, then I'd get arrested for loitering or something like that.

What does that mean? The one? When we're honest with ourselves, isn't it really just another variant of not enough love or not good enough? When did people start thinking about who they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with? I bet there'd be a lot fewer couples, or children for that matter, but I digress...when people say, they're not sure you're the one. Doesn't that just mean that there might be someone out there who is funnier, clicks better, understands you more? Basically, a better match for you, or rather, someone who you love more.

Shit, how do I feel? Like a terminal cancer patient. Always in pain. Where the fuck are my painkillers? Where the fuck is my button for breakthroughs? Like I said before, I want to join the ranks of bitter Jews who pound the pain out of their hearts. It isn't enough that their hearts are beating themselves to death.

What am I doing?

I breathe in, I breathe out (3), put one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time.

shit
Bender

p.s. hey you, take your vitamins/calcium, exercise and lay off the sweets. seriously...take care of yourself please.