This is an interesting article I ran into today. There are lots of pussy ass asian guys who whine that they aren't attractive and that they've been dissed by their asian women. Tough shit. Deal with it...where was I. Oh yea, it's really annoying how asians are bunched together. Seriously, Koreans, Vietnamese, Cambodian, etc. aren't that similar. I find these articles annoying, and I find the people who focus on it annoying. Go with what works. She didn't reject you cuz you're asian. She rejected you cuz you are a pussy. Asian studs like myself don't get turned down like that...our bitches slip out in the middle of the night to keep from getting ho-slapped.
read on...the article
One of the comments in one of the articles I read really made me consider an entirely new perspective on the whole Asian Male/Non-Asian Female, Asian Female/Non-Asian Male controversy.
I've had my share of being angry with Asian American females for rejecting Asian American males in favor of white males for little reason other than cultural and media stereotype, social climbing, or whatever the reason may be. However, I never considered the idea, until now, that part of the reason Asian American females might date white males is because of the lack of cultural and emotional "baggage" such relationships have. You don't have to deal with all of the expectations, ideals, and such that you inherit from your family's comments on the various values and characteristics of Asians, Asian males, and such. Being with a non-Asian guy sort of lets you just forget about all the things relationships are supposed to be like that you learned from your parents and just concentrate on the non-cultural aspects of the relationship, in other words, just let the relationship play out with no expected results or characteristics, and just concentrate on having the relationship, rather than where everyone came from, heritage, etc.
Sometimes, it's just nice to forget about the concerns of the world and just worry about the other person and your love for them.
I can understand that, and sympathize with that. Everyone, Asian or not, tries to get away from a lot of the situations and expectations imposed through constant family pressure. It's just that with Asian Americans, the kind of pressure is shared by many people, because we all have the similar experience of dealing with the unique struggle between two cultures, two worlds, and attempting to reconcile them to our own and other people's satisfaction. It's also more noticeable, because that kind of rebellion or escape ties into a more visible expression, i.e. the relationships. I'm sure girls do the same thing with not wanting to date guys that have the same values, attitudes, or opinions as their fathers, it's just not as noticeable if it's when a white girl dates a white guy who is into math instead of the arts for example. But it's particularly noticeable when an Asian girl dates a guy who's, well, not Asian. Perhaps the guilt is not so much that Asian girls discriminate against Asian American guys because of media stereotypes, but because they think all Asian American guys must be like their dads, and they don't want guys like their dads. It's just EASIER to pick white guys, because they're very visibly different from their dads. It's not a good thing, sure, and it is laziness and unfair, but it's not just because they think Asian guys have all the traits they have in the media, but because of upbringing. It's a whole psychological thing. It's not GOOD, but it's not being a sell-out, either, which is probably a little worse, at least in my book.
Not to say some Asian American girls AREN'T sellouts. But I understand, and part of it was because I only recently gave up my own little personal crusade to only date non-Asian women. Took me having dated, ironically, ONLY Asian American women up to this point to finally make me realize it doesn't really matter and I shouldn't dwell on race so much. And when I looked at my own reasons as to why - they seemed at first to be, well, I wanted to PROVE to the world Asian American men could date non-Asians. I wanted to be the crusader - to be different. Everyone's hero and champion. But then I realized I suffered from the same problem that Asian American girls tend to have - I wanted to date non-Asian so I could just get away from all those complicated problems of identity. A white girl or an African American girl, etc. wouldn't care so much about the same things I heard from my parents all the time, and maybe wouldn't keep harping on the issue of my identity. It would be safer, easier, a refreshing break from all the painful problems that I suffer in my house.
It took me finding my current girlfriend, who shares my ethnic heritage, to show me that all Asian American girls wouldn't necessarily act like my mother, push the same values, and on the flip side, act like the stereotyped "Asian Pride" girl that I also found unappealing. I found someone who I could relate to and be with just as two people in love, and be equally able to leave behind the baggage of our cultural struggle. Yet, on the other hand, it was cool because when I did want someone to talk about some shared cultural experience, I could. So she was neither my mother with all her values that I struggled with, nor the scary hardcore Asian Pride girl who wouldn't be able to leave well enough alone with our heritage, but she also wasn't a non-Asian girl who wouldn't understand where I was coming from regarding struggles as an Asian American. There's always a girl who can really make your life great, Asian and non-Asian alike - race doesn't determine the experience you necessarily will get. On that count, I do hope Asian American girls who discount Asian guys will try to look past appearance to judge, whether they're rejecting them because of media bias or because of family experiences.
I think to some extent, both Asian guys and Asian girls reject each other because of media and because of family. I think the fault of much of the disparity rests on the elements of society and its members who make white men more likely to accept Asian girls than white girls are to accept Asian guys. That is still very much a problem - even bigger than the attitudes of Asian American women (and men) themselves. Fetishism, emasculation of Asian men, white views of attractiveness and such, all result in more Asian American Female/Non-Asian Male couples than vice versa.
-bender
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