Walking in Step...

It's been a while since my last post, so let me give you an update.

I've moved into my place and am currently working on it so the upstairs is set to go. I have no internet and the central a/c-heater isn't working properly. The A/C is just fine.. the heater.. is not. My house is hella cold and I hate the cold very much so right now... I'm not the happiest camper when I'm home.

So during the weekend I spent a lot of time with my dad. Me and my dad hardly talk and there is a huge empty space in the middle of us that I call my Terry. She's an evil woman but we'll put that off for another conversation. So this weekend was really something, I hung out with my pops for an extended time and it was spent doing something other than fixing the house. We watched the all-star game and went out to eat on Sunday for his birthday. It was kind of odd having drinks with my dad but it was quite enjoyable. We had a lot of interesting conversations between us, and the topic of my ex-gf/ex-gf's came up. I guess from my dad's standpoint I've never been with a great woman. Now his definition of a great woman is a girl who will be on the same page as me when it counts and someone I fit in with. Not someone obedient, not someone smart, not someone dumb,not anything to that extent, not necessarily gorgeous (he knows I'm the jealous type). Someone who can be my family... not be part of my family or be part of her family but be MY family. Of course I can't expect anyone to abandon their family nor be expected to abandon my familia... but priorities be on our family. I find it interesting because is that the success to a happy marriage? Finding someone who is compatible... someone you love... but don't necessarily have to be in love with??

This topic hit me hard because most people would overlook it. Most people would say that is something stupid to even consider... of course you have to be in love with the person. Now that I really dig into it, maybe we just have it wrong. My generation is so set on their love and what we've been told love is that maybe we have it wrong. There is not an ounce of doubt that marriage is not as sacred as it once was. Divorce rates are at an all time high, or so they say. Now I sit and wonder... could love be the culprit. Could the fact that we try to be compatible with someone we are in love with, instead of forcing ourselves to love those we are compatible with BE the real reason for the short-lived relationships/marriages nowadays. I know there are many other factors... religion, finances, backgrounds, etc.. but I can't help but think that maybe... just maybe this fairy tale bullshit we were fed about love is why we are so fucked up. Maybe we should look to those we are compatible with instead. Maybe we should go for those we are "in love with" instead of those we "just love". I don't know what is right... but..

I applied this to my last relationship... Jenn..

I loved this girl, I loved being with her, smelling her, kissing her, being intimate with her. Just her very essence would send tingles down my body. I had a passion for Jenn that I never knew I could have. But we were the least compatible people ever, I was left.. she was right, I was up... she was down. It never ended, we couldn't get on the same page. I moved down for her, she wouldn't move up for me. For every step we took towards each other.. we ran 20 seconds away (literally). It finally had to stop, we had to stop. We loved each other soooooo much, but we couldn't force that compatibility, we couldn't change who we were.. who we were destined to be. I wouldn't want her to change who she was because that would mean the girl I was with... was not the girl I fell in love with. It was destined to fail from the start I guess. But you know what... there was never a lack of love. This just leads me to think... maybe my dad was right. Maybe I was looking for a fairy tale and not reality. I don't have a regret from being with Jenn, she was the only girl I could say was the love of my life. I'd turn my back on my friends for her.. and I did.. just like the song goes..

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

I did learn a lot from that girl, and I've learned a lot from my dad. I think these two people who never had a conversation in their lives... just collaborated on something very big in my life. I just don't have it all figured out yet.

Thanks Jenn...

Thank you dad, and happy birthday...

Joe Out