So, I get a phone call from a person I least expected to hear from. It's always scary when your past catches up to you. You get a glimpse of how much you changed, and also at how little you've changed. It's really hard to catch up with each other after 10 years, but I tried my best with the 2 hours I had. Apparently, I was actually a positive influence on someones life... *GASP*, I know... breathe... cuz I know it's hard to fathom, but yes... it's true. So, I spoke with my ex, from the summer before 9th grade and into 9th grade. It was hella weird but not really cuz we met up not that long ago.(thanks for the hookup jordan) but talking on the phone felt weird, because it felt just like back then. I went into that boyfriend mode and I had to stop myself from flirting and stuff because I am such a fucking flirt. She's doing well and is pretty much retired now (I shoulda went into the stock market.. hehe) and seems like she has her head on straight. She isn't greedy and made enough to take care of herself and her family. We are meeting up for lunch monday
UPDATE* lunch was good... although I felt bad because she ordered wine and I declined to drink it because I stopped drinking. It's really hard to go to a restaurant that you can't afford and have a girl pay for you. I was going to pay for it (knowing that it would make a significant dentin my play money account) but she had already threatened to never speak to me again if I did.
This girl is a complete and awesome person to be with... and she sees through all my bullshit (which is scary) but for one reason or another... I'm not interested. I've turned away the milf, anne... and now I fear this girl is next.... but I have no good reason for any of it. I'm just not in the mood, I just don't want to be close with a girl right now. I don't trust them..
Is something wrong with me???
Hugging her felt like it did before. But I can't move on forward... i'm clinging to the past, is something wrong with me?? Fuck I'm so retarded, she'll probably never call me again and will try to forget talking to me. I think I'm damaged goods... I'll end up with some bitch of a girl who my family and friends will dislike, and I'll be totally miserable but at least I won't be lonely... or will I?
Whenever I think about dating again... I remember my birthday... it was the worst experience ever. The weekend of my birthday... I drove down to pickup my gf and bring her back to LA, we spent my actual bday together, alone. The weekend was to be with my family and friends and her. Well she ended up ditching me one night to be with her friends... I had driven her up to be with me and my family for my birthday and she ditched me to be with her friends instead of spending the evening preparing for my birthday party (preparing food and arrangements) what's worst was I wasn't even invited with her and her friends. We had a huge argument... and things got crazy... I went crazy, and the day of my party... well it was tarnished. She had ruined a day that was for me and my family and friends. Because she was selfish...
Memories like that, are what replay in my mind when I look into sarah's eyes, or hear lorene's voice. This is what I reflect on, this is what I'm weary of. I know not all women are the same, you can't write off the whole because of the few. But it still keeps replaying in my mind, can't get it out.
Maybe I'm being a pussy, maybe I am a pussy and not just being a pussy. Or maybe I'm just damaged goods. Maybe I'm too scared because... when Jenn and I started dating... thngs were just as good as they could be with any of these three girls.
Animal out... cold..
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