patient care

Damn...This is like my 4th post today. Whatever. Need to get my thoughts down while I still have time.

My roommate knows me pretty well. He comes off as a goof-off, but he actually has great insight...

I made some mistakes in peds...I refused to play the game. I refuse to kiss anyone's ass and I don't like to do stuff purely to shine. I think there are better ways for me to spend my time. I'm slow, so I end up coming in at 4 to pre-round on my patients and I check up on them every couple of hours or so to see how they're doing. For the same reasons, I end up stay a lot later than I planned so that I can read up on every aspect of my patient's care and studies in care. Although I know my patients well, I blunder through my oral presentations and I look lost all the time. My partner comes in a few minutes before rounds, chats up all the seniors and leaves early. My partners shines in rounds because all the numbers are memorized and she is just good at presenting herself in a sweet gentle manner. I know that she is going to get better evals than I am, and I am fine with that. It's just really annoying that, that is the criteria by which we are graded. Those 5 minute interactions, not what we do throughout the day. Maybe I should care more and memorize a few numbers...I just know myself. I'll get flustered and mess it all up. My strengths don't seem to help in med school...I sit and think and theorize about shit. I suck on the fly, and that's what is required. Sometimes it's just hard to keep busting your ass when it feels like it doesn't matter. My roommate got straight to the point...I think I'm a better student because I'm constantly checking up on my patients and reading up on them. So I give my patient tums for her heartburn...the nurse could've done that. I haven't made any difference in the treatment or outcome of my patients. I know my reviews are going to be sub-stellar because I refuse to spend my time polishing my image. My roomie is right...maybe that's how I'm letting my patients down. Conveying clearly and succintly the patient info...that's more important than anything else I'm going to do for the patient. Rabbit says my future patients will benefit. I guess so...It's one week into the rotation...and I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

-bender