You and me babe, how about it...

I finally finished my last night of overnight call at kaiser L&D. It was a long ass day, and it went something like this.

Morning rounds: We had a teenage girl who was sent to us from stockton for a vulvar abscess. She had apparantly somehow managed to get a massive MRSA infection after cutting herself while shaving her cootch. The presentation somehow degenerated into the attendings talk about how they don't see pubic hair anymore since everyone shaves. lovely. Seriously, it's not sexy. It'd be like hooking up with a pre-pubescent girl.

I scrubbed into a C-section in the afternoon for failure to dilate. The woman was crying throughout the entire prep period. She was crushed that she couldn't deliver vaginally. She was also really afraid. Like any good med student, I hung out with her and blotted her tears with tissues. It was kind of awkward considering she was buck naked and in crucifix position on a surgical bed. In a weird way, it was actually really touching. She cried the whole time, then started sobbing when her daughter was born. The child was absolutely beautiful. The patient exhausted herself, so she snored like a chainsaw for the rest of the surgery...it was really cute.

I scrubbed out to the sound of some thug yelling across the hall, "Yo Dee, Where you be dawg! You missed it man." I missed the delivery of a couple that I strangely got along with really well. I kid you not, this girl was a G11 P3173. She had a rapid delivery and delivered in her room even before the nurses had a chance to help her push. When I walked into the room, she yelled at me for missing the delivery. She said that she held out for as long as she could so that I could delivery her baby, but in the end, baby won. wow. gee...thanks. The nurses kept looking at me kind of funny after that.

At 10 pm, I watched survivor with the midwife and the attending.

Later that evening, a nurse that was working with one of my patients got a needle stick. HIV positive. I can't imagine what must be going through her head. She washed off the wound, drew some of her own blood for testing, got some meds, then just kept on working like a champion. Damn...kaiser nurses are badasses. Poor gal.

It was all kind of downhill from there. A lady with twins came in for preterm pregnancy at 22 weeks...those kiddies weren't gonna make it. I went in with my residents to talk to them about what was going on. I felt like I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Not much you can say or do to make things better at that point, especially when you're meeting those folkd for the first time and they have been waiting their whole lives to have kids. I'm so sorry.

Around midnight, we got a call from the ER. There was a patient who came in for vaginal bleeding. She had seen her OB for the same problem a couple of months ago. She had a endometrial biopsy done. She is postmenopausal, ultrasound showed a thick stripe, etc. She fucking had cancer and the doc had never followed up with her. Outrageous...she came into the ER bleeding like a river, demanding to know what her biopsy result showed. We used a override password to schedule her in the next day with the OB who biopsied her. Shit, there is no excuse for that. Seriously...that was incredibly fucked up.

At 2 am, a lady rolled in complaining of intense vaginal burning after taking a salt bath. I sterile spec'd her and sample her frothy discharge. Saw a lot of little swimming dudes under the scope. haha. The lady had trich. The best part was when she said "I keel you muthafucker" and went to go kick her husband's ass in prison.

The call ended perfectly. I was waiting on a multip who was SVE 9/C/+1. At 5:20, I went in to take a 10 minute nap so that I'd be vaguely awake for rounding at 5:30. I walked to the nurses' station at 5:30...baby delivered. My attending winked at me and said, you snooze, you lose. touche.

-bender