sorrow...

I'm sorry for being such a dick to so many people. But seriously, people are douchebags. I'm trying to be on my best behavior and be nice to everyone and take their feelings into consideration, but fuck... it's testing me. I try to be nice and people call me a pussy or push-over, I stop being nice and I'm an asshole. Bah, fuck everyone.

Onto other topics, today was great and bad. I joined the gym finally, and will be working my ass off everyday I'm in Santa Monica. The bad part... I fucked up on our Vichyssoise and it ended up separating due to my misjudgement on the finishing process. I mean my group kicked ass on 4 of 5 soups but the fifth and LAST impression on the Chef, not what I wanted. I took full responsibility since I was the team Lead and made the final decision on all soups. But I felt bad for my two girls because they busted their asses for 5 hours and we coulda been team GOAT, but came up short. I guess it's just the competitor in me that requires me to be the best but yeah, our team kicked ass by far but we weren't perfect. That is killing me, and I think the Chef knew it, cuz he just pulled me off to the side and told me to let it go, but I couldn't. You only get one chance and I fucked it up.

I planned on going to Vegas this weekend and just enjoying the times with everyone, was gonna leave the studying for today and monday, but now... I think I'm gonna take it all with me and dedicate Saturday Morning to studying and memorizing everything. I think I owe it to team "Pink Goat".

I met some interesting people at school so far, and some of them are awesome. Some are annoying, and some are just plain fucking weird. But yeah, I love my small group and I can depend on those girls to bust their asses and do what is needed from them. I felt bad today, so much that I didn't go out drinking with them because I wanted to come home and study and be ready for next week. I hate failure more than anything, but I refuse to ruin anything for someone else. I have always had no problem taking shit for myself, and had no problem slacking off in the past when it only affected myself. But for my friends, I'll throw down like nobodies business.

This is the first time I've ever had to deal with non-intellects in a school environment, or whatever you want to call them. Just normal peeps, doing normal things. It's weird for me, because in the classroom I'm dying of boredom, but they are struggling. It's weird cuz the actual cooking part, I try so hard and am dead even with them, I think they are just talented. At least a few of them, and I'm doing what I can to stay up with them. I knew from the beginning that I couldn't cook for shit, now I'm trying to prove myself wrong.

Another thing I learned, I cook pretty awesome when I'm intoxicated. Last night we went to happy hour during our break and threw down some margaritas, DEFINITELY loosened me up. Hehe, the Chef was laughing because Anna and me were rapping for a good 5 minutes. It was hilarious though. Imagine me and Anna (5 foot 8, somewhat heavy set, corn fed white girl from Iowa) singing Eminem ft. Nate Dawg "shake that ass" while straining 10 gallons of white chicken stock while shaking our asses. Hehe, good times.

Well I'm freaking pooped. Love school, hate failure and I love my classmates. Wouldn't trade this for anything, ever.

Iron Man out...