My roommate is an idiot.

Unbelievable. So my roommate got drunk out of his mind and lost his keys again. In the course of the night, he also lost all of his clothes, except his pants. He couldn't find a way to get in, so he breaks his window at 4 am. Of course, the neighbors call the cops because they thought someone was breaking into my house in the middle of the night. Anyhow, the cops showed up with their dogs and flashlights. My roommate comes out with a towel wrapped around his crotch, like a diaper. He wakes me up and says, "Bender, yo I think we're being robbed." The whole time I'm thinking, it was you, but he was just too drunk to realize. Anyhow, the cops start asking what's going on and what happened.

Cops: What happened?
Roommate: We're fine.
Cops: Everyone ok?
Roommate: We're fine.
Cops: Can you tell us how the window broke?
Roommate: We're fine

(at this point, the cops were getting annoyed)

My roommate keeps repeating that everything is fine. The cops find a phone on the lawn.

Roommate: Thanks.

They find a chair leading into the backyard.

Cops: Is that normal?
Roommate: Yes, everything is fine.
Cops: What happened to your window.
Roommate: Everything is fine
Cops: Are you guys just drunk and fucking around?
Roommate: Everything is fine

seriously...I'm gonna kick that kid's ass one of these days. I can't make this stuff up.

-bender

Addendum: To make things even better, it turns out that my roommate broke through his window with his head because he thought his window was open.