A giant leap...

We haven't blogged on this site for a long time. I've gotta say, this past week was amazing. I was at Joe's wedding in Maui. Beautiful beach/sunset, tasty reception, great company. Really, I don't think it could have gone any smoother. Hopefully Joe and his wife are relaxing on the beach and working on their tans while I pump out this blog.

On my end, I finally proposed to my girl after three and half years. It was under the moonlit sky on a beach in Maui. I'm excited and looking forward to the next phase of my life. On the downside, flying back to LA, I miss her like crazy and am now sure how I'm going to make it through the next week.

Everything has changed with 3rd year of residency. It's the cliche everything is the same, but completely different. Expectations have changed, people are riding me harder. I'm kind of tired and beaten up on the inside. I don't think that I've changed that much, it's reassuring, but also scares me. I'm not sure if I've become that much better of a doctor over the past year. I hit a plateau midway through the year that I never really fully recovered from. There has been a lot of self doubt and waning motivation. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to give up. But I cannot and will not give up. I'll get through another day, overcome the insults and yelling and all that frustrations that come with the system that I work in. There really is no easy job out there and I'm daily reminded that I should be thankful for a job. It's rough out there for everyone. I guess that's just life.

Other changes since my last post. My sister in law is pregnant, so that's been a huge blessing. It's gonna be an interesting year...

-bender