time to jump another loop

I went to a pediatric talk to get some free food for dinner. Everyone was gung-ho about peds. I guess I've been pretty focused on getting into med school my whole life, but now that I'm in, I have no idea what I want to do. There are lots of things that seem pretty interesting, but I need to have specific research to get in. I feel that I'm already behind...working on a research project...probably the wrong project. Working on epidemiology. That's what I get for working on a project that I thought was novel and interesting at the time. damn...I feel so lost. I guess most people feel like this when looking for a major in college. It's interesting...finally being honest with yourself. Looking past all the bs that you fed people for your motivations in life. I'm a really ugly person and I'm not sure that I like who I am. Day by day...working on becoming a better person. How does that occur? By hanging out with the stupid hard-core right wing conservative Christian bible bangers? Hanging out with bleeding heart liberals who cry for the poor abused alcoholic? Shit...I hate this. So this is the real world...gonna try to bring kids into this world? shit...why? To make my life more full? What about their world? Having children...it seems like a very selfish thing...at from what I've seen from the people around me. What about asians who live their whole lives for their children? What's the point of that...then nobody is happy. meh

Bending with the wind...