Being joyful when times are tough

I've been pretty happy lately, so I don't really have anything to complain about. My roommate seems to be going through some tough times. One of the clinic docs...his parents are dead, he is single, and he is really lonely. His whole life is clinic and we all avoid making eye-contact with him because he'll talk your ears off...anything for some companionship. Said roomie's preceptor is a single guy in his mid 30's...being realistic, ain't much gonna happen in our 20s because of our pursuit of knowledge in medicine. Lots of sacrifices are made. Most med students get into the rut of feeling sorry for themselves...life is tough...never have any money...no free time...lonely...blah blah. I've been through the routine myself a handful of time. At some point, you've gotta saddle up your pony and take responsibility for your actions. At some time, you've gotta face yourself and stop playing the victim. Each and every one of us chose to do this...we're here because at some time we wanted to do this. There are tons of people who'd give their left nut to be in our shoes. So I choose to face the rain and not go quietly into that soft night.

On a sidenote...I wonder. Sometimes I get down on myself. If people don't like me for who I am...I can live with that. If I don't like what I've become...I don't think I can really live with that. I'm a different person compared to the person that initially entered med school. I've become more jaded and bitter...yet in a lot of ways, I'm a lot more jovial and don't take things as seriously. Maybe that's good. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm still a good person. This is one of the few professions where you'll be rewarded for being a good person...perhaps not socially or financially, but you'll be more satisfied with your job and not hate your patients/customers. I guess it's all really a matter of perspective.

I grew up in the church. I always believed in shit like helping those who are weak, telling the truth, hating evil and all that good stuff. I remember most of the preaching being pretty good stuff. When did the church become political? When did I become a stranger in the house of God? Not the hospital, but the church that is...have I changed or has the church changed. Both thoughts make me sad...I'm not sure why. I don't think I was ever an evagenlical christian...or was it? I went on missions to venezuela...I just chilled there and played basketball with the kids. I wonder if I was a judgmental person. I think I treat everyone the same...people I like I treat well, people I don't like I talk shit about, people I haven't met...well I have no basis for hating or liking them...unless they're ugly. haha. j/k. alrite, I don't feel like exploring my feelings any longer tonight.

Bender Out