no women for bender...

So my roomie threw a fat asian party at the house on Sunday night. Easily 50+ people were over from the clinic, Lots of top shelf booze, soju, tequila, etc. Residents taking shots...in short, good times were had by all. I haven't been in the dating scene for a really long time and it's weird being back in. Actually, I'm not really back in. I was just talking to some chicks and they gave me their numbers. It's weird, I was just doing what normal people do...talking to people in my room. Do people expect every encounter to be of the romantic variety? I told them I'd call em back, and I thought I would. That was my first mistake. It'd be nice to have activity partners for climbing and stuff like that, but I'm not really feeling women right now. No interest in hooking up or dating again. Some chicks I talked to today said I shouldn't call em back because then I'd be leading them on. I guess that's the right thing to do...but I can't help feeling like the string of guys who promise to call, but never do. Do I remain a good person in my eyes by becoming less of a person in the eyes of others? I guess so.

-bender

I finished my pack of cancer sticks last night. Was saving it for a while for a worthy celebratory event once I had closure. After a rather thick tongue lashing from Joe, I've been feeling a calm come over me about the whole thing. I still miss her, but I have acceptance. It was symbolic...I was burning away my past. Wisps of smoke, like memories, fading away into the still of the night. Some well-meaning med types almost fucked it up for me...stupid pussies.