Saved by the Bell

Just got off another overnight call, but I managed to avoid rounds in the morning. The 2nd patient into morning rounds, a code C went off and all hell broke loose. I made my escape through the back...felt like the old school batman. You know, when he throws a smoke bomb and disappears. Anyhow, a few thoughts on this last call.

Names are important. I met mom, then I met dad...Mr. Elvis Press Lee. haha. You're kidding, right? I really tried to keep a straight face. I bet he gets that a lot.

Food is important. For the last 30 hours or so, I fed exclusively on clif bars. My poop is like meconium, so gross. That shit doesn't wipe off. I hate cheapo kaiser toilet paper.

You should not have expectations...they just mess things up. I admited a beautiful multip around 6 am. I literally spent the entire freaking day grooming her. Checked in and wrote reports every hour or so, got her drinks, pillows, the works. Made sure that her family absolutely loved me and had my supervisor introduce me and get approval for me to explicity perform the vaginal delivery. I skipped 2 c-sections and waived triage just to make sure that I was around to deliver. This kid was mine. I waited 13 hours for this lady's cervix to fully dilate and it was time to rock and roll. My attending and chief resident, nowhere to be seen. I asked the midwife to assist me. The stupid bitch grabbed the intern and had her deliver so that the intern could get more experience. It's been 2 ridiculously painful - made me swear never to go into ob/gyn, dead libido I hate vagina - weeks. Not a single delivery. And this stupid midwife took that away from me...I was pretty disappointed. Surprisingly, the delivery itself was not disappointing at all. As soon as the child was born, the dad, aunts and grandmas all started crying. It was beautiful...it should be like that every single time. Babies are such precious amazing things and it blows my mind every time one is born. Well, maybe except for the ugly ones. But in general, they're pretty great. Where was I going with this...oh yeah.

hmm...the best part of my day was this. I had the email below open on the screen. I was exhausted, so I forgot to close the screen in the physician's room. I went to take a meconium dump and came out to see that several people had viewed the screen, much to my chagrin. Guess I won't be asking for evals from them. haha.



stupid gmail.

-bender

p.s. Don't ditch class when the IOR is teaching it. Now I have to elaborate on why I ditched class and write a paper on the entire discussion. Good times...stupid Dr. dick wrinkle.