American Jesus

my personal favorite...

All of us have deep seated things from our past hidden within our psyche. For as long as I can remember, I've always had this weird abusive relationship with religion. There was always a break in the inner logic. Religion accepts you for who you are, but challenges you and changes you to become a better man. I always had trouble embracing the former and was always crippled by the latter. I used to fast/starve myself for weeks to try to understand what it means to hunger and thirst for something greater than the flesh. Anyhow, my usual routine is to go to church and not interact with anyone. It is kind of a strange routine, but I just hated the fact that lots of people use the church as a place to network and hookup with the opposite gender.

Maybe I've become weaker, but I really need that social network. I'm lonely and need the support of a group of believers. I need people to believe with me. I want to feel the warmth under the wings of those who have blazen the narrow path before me.

Where am I going with this?...

So I went to a korean church this weekend with one of my preceptors. I've gotta say, I only understood half of the sermon, but it was really comforting. It reminded me of when I was 5 and used to play hide-and-seek in the church during korean sermons. Just hearing and speaking the language was really soothing. The food was awesome...kimchi is crack for my broken Korean soul. It just felt really nice and right chatting up my preceptor and his wife. They have a really fun and playful primary care vs. ophtho dynamic going on. I went on about my feelings about primary care and what I've been going through. I really could care less what I get on my evals, but I just need something...to connect. Can't quite put my finger on it.

I know this is really superficial and vain, but I really needed it. After years of being dissed on by the women at Stanford and feeling about as attractive as soggy bread in med school, it was nice feeling like a rock star at church. It's terrible, I know. It's pathetic, but I just needed some affirmation.

I agree with JD. People in relationships never realize just how lucky they are.

-bender

p.s. I've got issues...Here's my type if you have any single friends :)

Offspring - I want you bad

If you could only read my mind
You would know that things between us
Ain’t right
I know your arms are open wide
But you’re a little on the straight side
I can’t lie

Your one vice
Is you’re too nice
Come around now can’t you see

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complete me
Mistreat me
Want you to be bad

If you could only read my mind
You would know that I’ve been waiting
So long
For someone almost like you
But with attitude, I’m waiting so come on

Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can’t you see

I want you
In a vinyl suit
I want you bad

Complicated
X-rated
I want you bad

Don’t get me wrong
I know you’re only being good
But that’s what’s wrong
I guess I just misunderstood

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complicated
X- rated
I want you bad

I mean it
I need it
I want you bad