notes...

What is your purpose for obtaining this education? What will you do once you hone your artistic skill? Who are you doing this for?

I spend about 30-40 hours a week with the same group of people, mondays are my only days with people who are different from me. I got to spend it learning about a girl I'm starting to develop a crush on. I knew right from the beginning when we met that this girl was dangerous. She had every quality I love, and none of the qualities I hate. But I'll save that for another blog. This one... this one is about me and my determination towards... well... I don't know.

I have come into a crossroad that I'm hoping will work itself out. Do I let myself get sucked into the fine dining world. Do I sell my soul for a nice price and try my hand at that. Or... do I keep it real, try to pull off the impossible and create a place where nice food comes affordable for the people that I am, not who I'm trying to be.

I say that because, I'm not rich. I didn't go to Europe for graduation, I didn't get a new car when I was able to drive or graduate. My vision of a new car was Aeris (whom I love so dearly) and I live in east la. Although I don't speak spanish, or hang out with the beaner crowd, I associate with them and feel the same pain as them. I am discriminated against just like them, when certain groups see me, they write me off as some dirty wetback and that's fine. But my dilemma is do I let myself get caught up in this world of cuisine that seems to cater to the rich and predominantly white culture. Or fight that and live a much rougher life trying to bring something back to the environment that produced me.

I always hated those guys who got big, and bust off a lil chump change to the neighborhood and are viewed as great success stories of the community. I hate that people with money get showered with praise. FUCK, it sucks cuz they don't do it for their people, they do it for themselves. It's the teachers, the lawyers doing pro bono work for the community, those people who take the pay cuts to work for non-profit places instead of the better paying private organizations. BAH!!! I just hope I can do something for my people, cuz I look outside and drive through this area every day to go to Santa Monica and I think to myself, I want to get out of here so bad. I wonder if its too late for me, if I've already decided to sell out. Then I make myself feel better by arguing that I won't do it, I will do something for my community. I wonder, are the boyscouts my way of making myself feel better?

Well... I hope you are surviving Bender, and answer your phone every once in a while, you bastard.

Iron Man, is hoping he doesn't have an Iron Man moment and turn to the bottle...