I work here

Here are a few gems from my fire and safety orientation today.

1. The security officer gave us a few tips on how to survive county. This is literally his advice on what to do if someone tries to kidnap you. He had a big powerpoint slide that said FIGHT!!! "If you get kidnapped, chances are, we won't be seeing you again. It doesn't happen that frequently, but when it does, it'll ruin your day. If you get killed, the ER docs can bring you back to life. Right guys? In addition, if you can feel yourself getting shot, it means that you're still alive."

hmm...way to inspire faith.

2. Our fire system. The county hospital was built in the 1920s, so it doesn't have fire sprinklers or smoke detectors even. Rumor has it that it is some guy's job to walk around the hospital and check if the wing of the hospital is on fire or not.

3. The elevators. They're really really slow. Damn, I really miss the davis tower elevators. Anyhow, the sensors on the doors don't really work that well. Several people break their hands every year trying to stop a closing elevator door. It gets better. The safety inspector bragged that they can get us out of the elevator in 45min to an hour if it gets stuck. The national standard is 2 hours. Apparently, this happens with some regularity. Sometimes, the elevator falls a couple of floors, but the safety mechanism stops you from falling to your death. Yay...

4. This is probably my favorite. If there is an emergency and you need to evaculate, there is no way that you're going to get people out through the elevators. The beds have this thing called an evacusled. The mattresses have straps that tie down the patient, and there are ropes that allow you to drag the mattress across the floor. The idea is to basically push your patient's mattress down x number of stairs.

I finally got my long white coat with holes so that I can put my hands in my pockets. I'm pretty happy about that. I'm even more happy about the free meals at the hospital. Life is good.

-bender