check please...

After my first month in medicine at kaiser, I was dead sure that I was going into medicine. Now after a little over a week at the medical center, I'm thinking that medicine isn't for me. I can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. Outpatient is lame, and inpatient. Well, medicine appears to be everybody's bitch. You basically babysit patients while everyone else works them up and treats them. Every once in a while there is an interesting case, but the general rule is just a shitload of scutwork all day. Calling people to make sure that your patients have places to go after they get out of the hospital, making hospital appointments for them, calling their families, etc.

Damn...seriously, I hate my team. I haven't learned a thing since I've been at the med center. I feel like I'm following the patients, but not taking care of them. There is no motivation to work hard anymore because I don't really get anything out of making lots of phone calls or being scutted out. Nowadays, once I finish rounding on my patients and I'm out of my resident's sight, I get the fuck out of the hospital. I'm probably not gonna get honors, but I don't really give a shit.

Maybe I'm tired, but I don't really fit into medicine. For the first time in my life, I don't think I'm type A/obsessive compulsive enough. Mostly, I don't care enough. I just want to get through the next few months. Just finished watching some gray's anatomy...so true. In the beginning, it's all about being the best. By the time you get to med school, you just want to finish. I don't know how my classmates stay so focused and motivated. I know now is a critical time and I should bust my ass, but I just really haven't found anything in my 3rd year that I've liked. Peds was alrite, but ob/gyn sucked, outpatient medicine sucked, I'm pretty sure I won't like psych. That leaves me with medicine and surgery. Looking pretty grim. Starting to think maybe I made a bad career move. Hmm...I wonder how PM&R is like...

It's funny what a difference the people with whom you work with makes. Seriously...good times. Ugh.

-bender