Something Great to come...

So I just got a phone call right now...

Apparently MUSD wants me to be a Math Teacher at my alma mater.

Kinda funny because I didn't even really apply for it, I just wanted to apply for a Home Ec position for 2 periods at Montebello Jr. High.

Oh well...

I can't take the position unless I quit my dream of culinary school. That isn't happening...

Besides, I suck at Math, Bender is the math whiz.. and he says he doesn't know jack about math, which means I know even less.

On a lighter side I saw Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny... it was probably the best movie ever, and may have knocked Poolhall Junkies off the pedestal of Numero UNO movie not named Army of Darkness.

Bender, I know you don't get time to watch movies often, but you definitely gotta watch the movie. Being a fan of acoustic guitar music, you'll appreciate the movie. Very whacky, but it does have Dave Grohl and MEATLOAF in it. Definitely a two thumbs all the way up kinda movie.

Suck it easy...

Joe out, and toying with his baby girl....

Turkey Day over... sooo tired...

Stop stalling make a name for yourself
Boy you better put that pen to paper and charm your way out
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun
Start talking "a sensationalist"
Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain extent
If you talk you better walk you better keep your mouth shut
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

It's hurting.... so much right now....

She fucked me over oh so bad, and it's only coming around right now, and it's ruining a good thing I might have. It ruined things with Lorene, it ruined things with Anne.

Bah... I tried to avoid women completely. Yet she walked into my life like an angel. She does it all oh so right, she treats me like a fucking king.
She is so perfect, so fucking perfect.... but so was Jenn. So was Jenn...

I think I need to get smashed.... and I've got the right tools at my disposal.

Here's to clear thinking.

Skyscraper

I guess I'll pick up where you left off.

Had an interesting conversation with a friend, regarding economic trends in the world and economic trends within our own little scheme of things.

Then the conversation took a turn for the weird as he asked about Oni, and if I had seen her. I told him that I screwed up, decided to go back and try things out with Jenn again and have not heard from Oni since then. He then hung up on me and text me... "STUPID ASS"

Let's not forget that he is Oni's ex boyfriend and they had a fallout because she started to fall for me and especially hard once I broke up with Wendy. The girl spoiled me rotten and just wanted me to be Paul. Cuss, raise hell, and get into knife fights in school parking lots. She just liked Paul, because he was a weirdass motherf*cker who took shit from no one.

Now, I'm dating another japanese girl, this one named Maiko and she is one hell of a girl. Fashion designer, big house in anaheim hills, nice to me and appreciates my hateful and overly cynical remarks. She accepts me for the Paul that I am and loves my cooking. Yet I am not attracted to her as strong as I was my ex. My ex put up a struggle, she fought with me every step of the way.

I guess I realized, that if it isn't a challenge, I don't want it. I've always been like that, I have never wanted anything handed to me. I like starting from the bottom and fighting my way to the top.

Then I realized... If I was the one chasing Jenn, she was the one who settled??? The one who took the easy way out???

Someone chases, someone has it easy... do I always have to be the one fighting and scrapping. I constantly said I need to concentrate on my own shit. So if a girl is chasing me and I have it easy, I don't really need to lose focus on my goals, do I?

Thanks Jenn... you taught me something... sometimes it's better to be the lazy selfish bitch, and still get some.

Joe... still bitter, and still wanting that time back... but at least learning from the past.

This is a cleaned up version of the previous blog entry

Bigger, Better, Faster – The Ethos of American Medicine

My lab coat pocket holds two pens, a Xanax pen and a Pharma free pen. The only difference between the two is the Xanax pen is much nicer, although they serve the same purpose. There’s a central dogma that runs through UC Davis’ medical school class: Pharma is an evil corporate entity. Whether this is entirely true is hard to say.

I had lunch today with a preceptor and two drug reps selling SSRIs and drugs for PD. After the required ice breaker conversation about the upcoming holiday season, I had a refreshingly candid conversation with the reps. We mostly talked about the SSRI’s. The guy was honest. He showed us charts showing that the drug was effective at treating depression on a head-to-head trial with another drug. Then he showed us that the side effect profile of the drug he was promoting was much worse and that the doses used for the trial would probably not be tolerated well by most patients. In addition, he showed us that the study conducted by the company was skewed because it carried efficacy of the drug after patients dropped out of the study due to side effects, which made the drug seem a lot more effective than it actually was in reality. He wasn’t trying to sell the drug to us.

I learned a lot of useful facts that I didn’t learn in medical school. I learned half-lives of the most popular drugs, the most popular drugs on the market, who is using what, etc. I know that as a physician, I should be keeping up with the latest literature, but I couldn’t help but think that I would surely love to have this guy coming around every few weeks to update me.

I’ve got to admit, the advertising was slick. He provided lots of free trial samples of antidepressants. Since patients respond differently to drugs, it didn’t seem like a bad idea to have patients try out the sample if another drug didn’t work. If it didn’t work, no harm done, if it treated their depression, then great.

There are so many SSRI’s. They’re all in the same class, so they should all work the same in patients, right? One of the biggest assumptions held in medicine is the idea of class effect. The medicine camp is in many ways highly divided on this issue. Metoprolol was shown to save lives in CHF, so the generic atenolol must too. There are some who refuse to prescribe the generic because the tests were carried out in the brand name drug. I wonder how safe it is to assume that all drugs are created equal. Patients trust our word and believe us when we say the drugs are identical. Why is it that Baycol (Cerivastatin) led to more problems than the other drugs in its class? It’s hard to say. It seems very easy for patients and doctors alike to get caught up in the thinking that newer is better. Patients want to be the guy on the commercial playing with the blue balloon.

It’s a very dangerous path to tread, allowing a drug rep to tell us which drugs are better. There were definitely moments where I was uncomfortable. Certain insurance companies were not covering the drug in its formulary. The drug rep made note to get to work on the Blues. Sometimes it isn’t clear how to help our patients or even how to do no harm.

In trying to understand how best to treat our patients, how do we avoid the risk of turning the art of medicine into the business of medicine?

-bender

All drugs are not created equal

I've given up trying to name my entries after Bad Religion songs. It's stifling my creativity.

Anyhow, I've been doing really well. I'm not completely sure if it's because things are settling down nicely in my personal life or that I've actually been enjoying myself the last few days. This past weekend, I went out ice skating, ran the turkey trot (fundraiser for davis public schools), and helped at the women's heath fair. I had a really good time chatting up the old ladies. I didn't mind the extra minutes to listen to their hearts and hear their stories to make them feel better, even if it wouldn't make any difference in the long run.

My favorite part of the women's health fair was the demonstrations after. There was a wushu demonstration, and then a mexican cholo looking guy and a chinese martial arts guy walked onto the stage. I thought they were gonna duke it out. I had $5 on the mexican dude. Instead of duking it out, the mexican guy started doing tai chi and talking about this beautiful gift from china. wtf? lame...Anyhow, this was the best picture of a cholo I could find from google images. How pathetic is that? I had to steal an image from stand and deliver.



Anyhow, my new family practice site is awesome. Since I don't have to compete with any residents, my preceptor lets me do everything. I've already done more today than I have on 1 month of outpatient OB/GYN. In addition, starting from next week, he is going to teach me how to do vasectomies. haha. Gonna be busting some nuts.

I had an interesting lunch today with a couple of drug reps over PF Chang's. Shady? maybe, but it was a great talk. Maybe it is because I'm a med student, but they were brutally honest with me. Told me about their training, 8 hour days in hotels in nyc. Then we had a very candid discussion about the drug they were promoting, lexapro, with the preceptor. He said straight out, it has more side effects than the competitor, but the study shows that it was more effective at treating depression. Then he pointed out that the dose that was used would make most people sick and stop taking the drug and that the efficacy is skewed because it shows the efficacy prior to drop-out. I thought it was great. He showed us all the competitor's drugs, we went over all the different half lives and strengths of the drugs of the SSRI's on the market and then he walked away. As a doc, I'd love to have a guy like that come in, let me know what all the other docs out there are using, then say try it out, if it doesn't work, whatever.

Maybe this is just a sign that I was duped by the pharm rep. Just maybe, reps aren't that terrible. I'm glad this particular company doesn't do direct-to-consumer advertising. Here are the benefits of these pharma guys. They give you lots of free samples. Psych drugs work differently on everyone. That way, you can try out their drug if another one fails. Since you don't have to charge the patient, the patient isn't put off by the high cost of drugs and nobody gets hurt if it doesn't work. If it helps to treat their depression, then great.

Are drugs all the same? There are a couple of huge assumptions in medicine. We assume that if one drug works, then all the other drugs in the same class must work the same. Metoprolol has been shown to save lives, so the generic atenolol must do the same right? I sure hope so, because that's how we practice medicine, but the studies were done using metoprolol. I forget the name of the drug right now, but there was a statin drug pulled off of the market because it killed people, but it is in the same class of cholesterol lowering medication that we prescribe to everyone with CAD and all the hyperlipidemia patients in our country. Are all drugs created equal? There are definitely people out there who have strong feelings either way. Oregon had a great system of testing generics to make sure that they got the most band for the buck.

I wonder how much of an effect that these guys have on our prescriptions. I have a feeling that I'll probably end up prescribing what everyone else prescribes. Like they say, don't be the first to write for a new drug and don't be the last to abandon an old drug. It's funny. Talking to docs, I find that a lot of docs prescribe older meds because they don't want to risk a lawsuit with a new drug, even if it has been proven more effective in clinical trials, esp in ob.

There is definitely a gray side to marketing though. The pharm guys always come around to ask about how their new drug is doing. The outpatient forum is kind of a test setting for phase 4 trials. In addition, the pharm guys ask which insurance companies don't have their drug on the formulary so that they can put some pressure on them. Apparantly, the blues haven't come around to lexapro yet. Interesting.

bender

Victims of the Revolution

So I've spent some time away from the VA and I've found that primary care can be pretty fun when away from old skool docs, although I've gotta admit, I miss the dirty jokes.

Yesterday I spent my morning watching physical therapy at the ACC. I saw a familiar 14 year old girl and my jaw literally dropped. She was a patient that I had seen around the pediatric floor when I was on service several months back. She had a traumatic brain injury because her mom mowed her over with her car and the patient was in a coma up until the week I came onto service. She wasn't under the care of my team, but I went to visit her once in a while because she couldn't move and was always crying. Now she is hobbling along on her own and can almost carry a conversation. Holy crap, kids are resilient. Working with kids yesterday reminded me just how much fun they are.

[soapbox time]

I worked in the county primary care clinic today. Some lady came in with a cough, so I figured that she'd be here with a cold or something like that. This lady had SOB for 5 days, h/o CHF, no runny nose, no sore throat, no fever. Shit, my lady had congestive heart failure. So we wrote her up for some lasix and sent her for her labs. We looked at her allergies...sulfa drugs. She had taken lasix before according to her charts, but we asked her just in case. It turns out the last time she had lasix, she was on a low dose, but had severe hypokalemia and almost died from cardiac complications. Shit, almost killed my patient. Seriously, lazy ass doctors who don't document complications in their notes or write it so that it's not legible. Seriously, a huge disservice. Don't be that guy.

Maybe ethacrynic acid? My preceptor had never heard of it. Anyhow, we just put her on spironolactone and sent her on her merry way. Just in case, I double checked to make sure that my patient had gotten her meds and was on her merry way. In the pharmacy, they had huge signs up saying that all drugs would not be available because the system was backed up due to strike.

I got a little riled up. Actually, I got fucking pissed off. I'm all for making sure that people get paid fair wages and that their rights are protected, but medicine isn't the fucking steelworker's union. Medicine isn't a job, it's a promise that we take on. When other people get off their jobs, it's their time. Once you're a doc, you don't just sit back and watch someone die from a heart attack or choke on their popcorn chicken because you're not technically at work. It's a promise that we make. We are given tools so that we can use them to benefit our fellow man. Doctors don't go on strike. Why? Because people always get sick and they need treatment. You can't shirk your duties and screw people over.

It's probably not gonna make a huge difference, but you know what? I don't give a damn about your worker's strike. Deal with it. Give my patient her fucking meds. Stop being a little bitch.

-bender

Damn, a twosy

best of craigslist and the new Grey's anatomy is up. :o)

-bender

throw it up

READ this..... and become the man you were destined to become

Once upon a time, there was a kid who believed he could conquer the world.

He got older and "wiser" or so he thought, he came to grips with reality and lowered his expectations.

He learned about compromise and "give and take" and soon grew soft.

Left with only vague memories of that child he once was, he started his own family

And that little boy was reborn in the shape of his children, and the man was faced with a difficult decision.

Should he kill that fearless behavior and "educate" his children, or feed it and hope the sky is the limit...

What would you do??? What will you become???

Ask yourself this Dennis...

Recipe for Hate

Do you ever find that you've become the worst version of yourself. You're confronted with a situation and suddenly you're transformed into Mr. Nasty. I've been taking a lot of cheap shots at primary care these last few weeks, but yesterday I took a step back and looked at what I've become and frankly, I'm disappointed at myself. I've become that guy who hates his patients and finds the things they say incredibly annoying. I've become the doctor that I would not want my parents to go and see. I don't know if it's just me reacting to the touchy feelyness of primary care just as I reacted to the coldness of ob/gyn subspecialties by becoming extra nice and buddy buddy with my patients.

On days like this I really question what it was that drove me to medicine. I'm competent enough to understand the science of medicine, but the art is lacking. Maybe it's the heart, rather than the art that is lacking. Growing up, you're so sure of who you are. Your ideas are novel and you are an individual. Then at some time, I got mixed up with a bunch of people just like me and it was after a while that I realized that we are nothing like the regular people we run into on the streets. A lot of us can't interact normally with people, we don't understand people, yet we proclaim to have this great need to go out and save humanity. We don't actually like people, perhaps we just enjoy the novelty of it. Albeit, underlying these desires is at some level, a desire to fit in and be human for once in our lives.

But folks, seriously, who are we kidding. I have lost myself so completely that I don't know what to do with a day off. Three days weekends can easily get wasted into nothing, playing video games or watching movies; anything to pass the time. Luckily for me, rabbit was around to slap me around and tell me not to go into peds after joking about kids having seizures. When did that become funny? Was it ever?

I wrote this down on a notepad because I knew that the thought would disappear once I started my routine. Third year has been a disappearing act for me. I become whoever the attending wants me to be. Be more assertive and fix my posture. Yes sir! Go and try to connect with the patient in room 1...here are some tips on how to connect with a human being. Reflect what they are saying, reflect posture, intonations...shouldn't I know this already? Somehow I missed it, while growing up. Learning sadness from John Steinbeck and my morals from afternoon TV sitcoms. A classmate told me last week that all I've gotta do is be myself. Look yourself in the mirror every day and say to yourself, "just be bender." Simple.

Before this rotation, I used to wake up at 4 or earlier and take a long hot shower. I'd go look in the foggy mirror and try to make myself into something presentable. Nowadays, I have the time and luxury to wait for the fog to clear and get a better look at myself. I've gotta be honest with you, I don't like what I see. Sometimes, I don't see anything at all.

Lately I've found myself wanting to go into surgery to make obscene amounts of money. I don't even know what I'd do with it. My family has gotten by on $30k all of our lives and I've always had everything I've needed. I'm not sure what it is that I'm missing, what it is that I want.

Maybe I don't hate primary care. Maybe I just I hate myself and I’ve been taking it out on my patients. I've got nothin'.

-bender

you mean what??

Schism....

F*** this song... I've loved this song from the very second I heard it. Never once actually paid attention to the lyrics, I knew them, but didn't actually consciously pay attention to them...

Listening to it right now, brought up nothing but pain, agony, and just made me really pissed off.

joe is feeling hateful, but also appreciates Tool on a WHOLE OTHER level right now...

sigh... four more years with a stupid ass

So apparently that stupid fucking ex-steroid user is governor of my great state. No comment...

Damn man, my boy fishy is a machine, bikes 26 miles a day, to and fro work. WOW!! Talk about studmuffin, plus he's an artist, like getting paid to make "pretty shit". Talk about the poster boy of "metrosexual", but I love em, he's my boy and always will be. Like we say PGM for dinner, MSB 4 life

So I've been thinking about getting a motorcycle for sometime now, and talked it over with my grandma and she gave me 3 good reasons for not getting one but the jury is still out on this in my head. I think the one thing she has me questioning is my lil cousin Brendan, aka Paul Jr. That lil booger imitates everything I do, and I love him as if he was my son, he is my shadow basically and anything I do is "so cool, cuz Paul never dies" and I don't think I'd ever want any of my family members on a motorcycle cuz they are just too dangerous. However I consider myself void of this argument because I don't love myself as much as I love my family. When I was about to buy a bike a couple of years ago, Jenn stopped me because she said she couldn't handle it because she'd be too worried, so I didn't get it. Now my grandma throws this responsibility and other stuff at me. It sucks so much, argh... we'll see.


I need another hobby, have been thinking about getting back into paintballing, but it's got such a short lifespan for me, and it's something I can only do on sundays or saturdays. I would rather get a bike and go for cruises, join a bike club or something.

On the other hand I have been debating whether or not to be a boy scout troop leader. LA is in such dire need for them, and I don't have kids, and for some reason... I love kids (at least when I have authority over them, lil brats who don't listen can get run over by the metro for all I care)

We'll see...

Joe... out... and still debating...

damn...

basketball season is ruining my life. I've been following play-by-play on-line...ugh. I should just get some beer, order cable and watch the damn games. Good boy timmy. bad Jermaine...who said you could hurt your ankle again!

dennis

send you my love...

Damn man, last night was harsh.

I am working on 4 hours sleep and feeling fatigued but it's cool... 4 hours in more than 35 hours isn't bad, I just think of it as I'm doing some wicked residency that requires me to put over 150 miles on my car in the blistering heat of LA (hit 93 degrees last night) in NOVEMBER.

Damn this global warming thing is getting nasty and starting to hit hard. I wonder how much longer our factories will keep up their cheap and earth killing ways? How much longer until car companies release cars with zero to no emissions that run on piss or something? The ability and will and drive are there, it's just not profitable and you must remember that Mother Earth is just a slut working the corner to the money hungry bastards heading up these companies.

Oh well... Mother Earth...
I send you my love, with a dozen roses
make sure she knows it's, from the bottom of my heart
I send you my love, don't hold back the feelings
there's so many reasons, why we shouldn't be apart

joe out like the polar ice caps...

jailhouse...

I think the best way to describe my life right now is...

Not as efficient as I need to be, I'm not fucking up, but I can do better.

Ponte las Pilas Joe...

-out-

Struck a Nerve - angry post. read w/ caution

So it's official. I'm a fatty. While doing the physical exam on my patient today, I sat on his trendy $200+ glasses and destroyed them. On the flipside, his blood sugar was 34, so he didn't really notice.

After spending a couple of weeks in primary care, I'm completely turned off to it and am starting to check out surgical-subspecialties and radiology. At first I thought it was because I didn't enjoy working with the patients. In fact, I usually have a blast working with the patients. I'm just sick and tired of all of the doctors that work in primary care. Like rabbit said, medicine is full of whiners, but the primary care is chalked full of the biggest poons in the profession. Seriously, all they do is bitch and moan. wah wah. People don't respect us. wah wah, we don't get paid enough. I hate my job. ad infinitum...

Seriously, the primary care docs are so freaking annoying. No wonder none of the other docs don't have any respect for them. None of the other groups are like these guys. Don't tell me that the only reason you went into primary care is because you had to fulfill some grant or some shit. I don't wanna hear that you're so poor. $150k boo hoo. I can think of a million jobs that suck ass more than yours - the guys picking up your trash, the guy who cleans the bathrooms, the dude who sells fruit on the streets, etc. So you work a lot of hours. You knew what you were getting into. In addition, there are plenty of people that work crazy hours. Joe was going in at 4am every day to get the restaurants ready and prepped every day, my buddy Nelson in china was working 20 hours a day 7 days a week to get his business ready, all of lawyer friends and ibanking friends sleep at work. They knew what they were getting into. I don't hear a peep from them. Oh you poor overworked docs...seriously, you're tired, but deal with it. You hate talking to patients and their whining? Why the hell did you go into primary care? Why didn't you go into surgery or radiology or something else. I mean, give me a freakin' break. Take some responsibility for the way your lives turned out. It's not like you didn't have any say in this matter. Oh what? Your parents made you go to medical school? Damn...what a bunch of wimps.

-bender is annoyed

American Jesus

my personal favorite...

All of us have deep seated things from our past hidden within our psyche. For as long as I can remember, I've always had this weird abusive relationship with religion. There was always a break in the inner logic. Religion accepts you for who you are, but challenges you and changes you to become a better man. I always had trouble embracing the former and was always crippled by the latter. I used to fast/starve myself for weeks to try to understand what it means to hunger and thirst for something greater than the flesh. Anyhow, my usual routine is to go to church and not interact with anyone. It is kind of a strange routine, but I just hated the fact that lots of people use the church as a place to network and hookup with the opposite gender.

Maybe I've become weaker, but I really need that social network. I'm lonely and need the support of a group of believers. I need people to believe with me. I want to feel the warmth under the wings of those who have blazen the narrow path before me.

Where am I going with this?...

So I went to a korean church this weekend with one of my preceptors. I've gotta say, I only understood half of the sermon, but it was really comforting. It reminded me of when I was 5 and used to play hide-and-seek in the church during korean sermons. Just hearing and speaking the language was really soothing. The food was awesome...kimchi is crack for my broken Korean soul. It just felt really nice and right chatting up my preceptor and his wife. They have a really fun and playful primary care vs. ophtho dynamic going on. I went on about my feelings about primary care and what I've been going through. I really could care less what I get on my evals, but I just need something...to connect. Can't quite put my finger on it.

I know this is really superficial and vain, but I really needed it. After years of being dissed on by the women at Stanford and feeling about as attractive as soggy bread in med school, it was nice feeling like a rock star at church. It's terrible, I know. It's pathetic, but I just needed some affirmation.

I agree with JD. People in relationships never realize just how lucky they are.

-bender

p.s. I've got issues...Here's my type if you have any single friends :)

Offspring - I want you bad

If you could only read my mind
You would know that things between us
Ain’t right
I know your arms are open wide
But you’re a little on the straight side
I can’t lie

Your one vice
Is you’re too nice
Come around now can’t you see

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complete me
Mistreat me
Want you to be bad

If you could only read my mind
You would know that I’ve been waiting
So long
For someone almost like you
But with attitude, I’m waiting so come on

Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can’t you see

I want you
In a vinyl suit
I want you bad

Complicated
X-rated
I want you bad

Don’t get me wrong
I know you’re only being good
But that’s what’s wrong
I guess I just misunderstood

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complicated
X- rated
I want you bad

I mean it
I need it
I want you bad

Easy Lover

Do you remember.... the twenty first night.. of september...

Damn that's a bombass song.

So I got up early today, went to workout with my workout partner. Afterwards for some weird reason we started dancing. It was hilarious until her aunt walked in and was like WTF!?!?!

I think her aunt thinks I'm crazy, which wouldn't be too far off. Well I think I'm going to go eat with my old school crew right now, get some pgm or something. Should be good times. My gf is in the garage tucked away and waiting for me to go play with her.... maybe I'll buy some leather spray to detail her later.

Peace.

fantasy ball

yo joe,

need a lil help here. I need more assists with my fantasy team. I'm trying to trade jermaine o'neal for chauncey billups, but I'm not sure it'll go through. Might pick up ricky davis. Should I hold onto redick? drop chandler? can't decide. Leaning towards holding onto redick.

-bender

Eat Your Dog

Once again, another poor bad religion selection for my title.

Today was great. Got to sleep in. Went out and drove around for half an hour trying to find a good Korean restaurant. Rabbit has a fat finger, so the lady brought him a spicy seafood dish, rather than korean bbq because he pointed wrong. haha. Whatever, my tofu was tasty. Plus, we got to stop by and take a picture on Manlove Ave on the way home.



Speaking of manlove, Doogie is out like Melo.

-bender

In the Air Tonight

It's almost nightfall and I haven't touched an ounce of food all day. I wish I was cutting weight or something but I just haven't had an appetite all day. Been replaying shit that happened last night and yesterday in my head trying to sort out everything. I had a weird flashback last night and it felt good. I felt like a good person, helping someone in need. I forgot I had that in me, I was so wrapped up in being selfish and doing things for myself... that I forgot how good it felt.

The one thing I am, is a sucker for a crying girl. I mean even if they are tears of joy it still gets me. I got to thinking, and have come to the conclusion that I am not allowed to have a daughter, because I'd probably go mental.

Invisible Touch

Dang, was just reading over my partner in crime's posts. It's actually funny but 1/4 of my posts are serious and 1/4 of his are lighthearted. I guess we are that opposite after all. Then again he is someone who will be saving people, and I'll be fattening them up. So I guess it's all relative to your field. My job is to smile and make sure people are happy and smiling, the worst possible thing I can do is fuck up on their food. Bender can only wish it was so easy, but then again with that added responsibility comes incentives. Women flock to Doctors and Lawyers, and nobody really flocks to guys like me. They kinda just disdain even looking in your general direction.

So I was talking with Monica about our business adventure and she seemed really irritated and impatient so I just said fuck it, I'm making all the decisions. To which she replied.. fine. The funny part is, she really had no problem with that, I guess that's why I love that girl, she has never questioned me and always has had faith and I don't think anything can ever come between us, even our dislikes for each others significant others. Although I'm a loner right now so that's not really a problem, but I did tell her she's a bitch for not telling me to dump my ex earlier because well... we don't need no scrubs...

Listen up women... if you want equal rights, don't ask for chivalry; if you want chivalry, then cook and clean.

AND GUYS... please don't give in to this bullshit... if women want equality then give it to them, no double standards please... She can't have her cake and pie, and tiramisu as well...

Sorry about that rant.. and I'm not hating on equal rights, in fact I am a play it by ear kinda guy. I can go both ways... if you want to be taken care of, then do your part. If you want to go equal rights on me, fine we'll run with it.

Onto other things... FFXII has not let me down yet, it's awesome and I actually am behind Maiko right now cuz she's already level 20 and I'm barely 10. But in my defense I have other shit to do and so does she but I have a second job as a wingman and she doesn't.

Joe out...

Hooray for Me

yea, I'm really reaching with the bad religion titles. Whatever. I'm feeling really happy right now. I really like my place. I've never really loved any place I've lived in before. Every time I come home, I'm charmed by the little blue walkway and the ghetto plastic footlights I installed. It's my house and I live at the end of the block. It's fall and the leaves are changing color. It's a gorgeously orchestrated symphony of color. Leaves don't fade like people, leaving only a skeleton of who they were. Leaves go out in a blazing glory of color, nature's canvas washed away by the autumn rains.

Modern art at it's greatest. My titles are inspired by still-life art.



bender 1981-
"Tree lined street with parked white car"
artist's comments: I need to have people long stepping across this to do an abbey road ripoff.




bender 1981-
"House, leaves on lawn, white car parked in front"

Best For You

Staying home is pretty sweet. Get to sleep in, contemplate what to eat for the next meal and in general, just vege. All I had to do was have diarrhea all night. Not a bad deal I believe. I made sure to call in sick in my sickest voice. =D

Random: On a sidenote, I had the most fun dream. I was in a bar and all the corner tables were filled with good friends. One by one, a buddy came to sit with me and keep me company on my left side. On my right, cute ladies came by one by one to say hi and chat it up. They all knew my name. haha. Only in my dreams. The bartender kept mixing me a drink called "drink after work," which was mighty sweet and tasty. The room was hazy, because the workers were smoking fat reefers in the back. The last girl that talked to me was annoying, because she was trying to sell me tickets to the latest bond movie. eh, whatever.

if only...

-bender

infected...

I think I'll try to title my listings after bad religion songs for a while.

So I took the afternoon off after I kept fazing out in the morning. I'm down with the flu...standard issue stuff. Headaches, sore muscles, dizziness, fever, no cough, sore throat and all that good stuff.

I'm a little tired of medicine in general. I think it's mostly because of the people that I've been working with. I was in the geriatric clinic yesterday and the lady just kept bashing primary care. In the beginning it was fun because we're both perves and we were laughing at the abbreviated list titles like the cum list (cumulative list). In addition, I got to meet really cool patients like a 85 y/o guy who broke his shoulder and ribs when he fell off his horse last week. Then he broke his hip while wrestling with a bull. Pretty badass. Anyhow, about my preceptor. She was faculty at UCLA, but couldn't compete in the LA area because of oversaturation and all the FP docs willing to work for peanuts. She literally spent 30 minutes telling me I was a nice guy and should do something else. That I would become tired later down the line once I had kids and all that good stuff. Then she literally took me by the hand and walked me down the hall to urology to talk to them...so much for learning primary care. I've gotta say, the urology guy was really nice. Training is only 6 years and he loves his job. He gets to work in the primary care clinic taking care of urinary problems. Rabbit, you'd like him. His motto is "all dick, all the time." Anyhow, he also gets fun time in the OR doing complicated kidney surgeries and stuff like that. Every week he gets job offers for obscene amounts of money and he work 4 days a week. The best part is, his job evolves with him as he ages. In the beginning, he did hardcore kidney cancer surgeries and cancer gene research. Now he likes to work mostly in the clinic. If he wants, he can always change his focus. It's not like primary care where we're drowning in paperwork all the time. Every once in a while, I meet patients who really make my day and I want to do right by them. However, when I'm being honest with myself I know that in general, I don't think people are that great. My car go egged to shit yesterday and I find that most of the people I meet in this world are assholes, ignorant, whatever. It's draining to work with them, trying to make their lives better when all they wanna do is screw themselves over some more, or try to screw me over. I'm still altruistic and full of romantic notions of medicine, but seriously, it's hard to keep a good perspective. I came into this profession cuz I wanna be out there keeping people doing what they wanna do. I wish all the docs out there would do me a favor and stop calling people gomers, or whatever the hell they call them. damn...I'm strung out on cold meds.

On a sidenote, I don't know how I feel about perks anymore. I was supposed to go have dinner at Ruth's Chris. It was a talk pushing a new tetracycline class antibiotic are abdominal complications post surgery. I really wanted my free steak. The company is Wyeth. Seriously, it's not like we're not gonna be pushing their drugs. They make Robitussin, Advil, premarin. It's stuff that I'd prescribe anyway. Either way, my pharm friend called me to say that they ran out of room because the restaurant overbooked. A small part of me was relieved, but I'm not completely sure why. It is a very gray line and slippery slope from free bagels for breakfast, to steak dinners at ruth's chris.

Anyway, so I'm sitting at home, medicated out of my mind trying to figure out my absentee ballot. I don't know how they expect regular people to fill this out. The only thing I really care about is prop 85, cuz we need to protect dem teenage girls. The rest seems like a mess. For starters, I don't know who the candidates are and what their platforms are. I don't want to vote by party lines, although I am technically independent. I just don't wanna put some weakass candidates in office who are gonna mess up and end up hurting people, our children, schools, etc. I don't know who to vote for and I don't want to mess anything up. Judicial candidates: I am tempted to just look up who appointed them and what their key cases were. It's hard for me to support anyone appointed by pete wilson, no matter how great they are. eh. The propositions are all confusing too. Of course they're written in a nice way, but there are layers and layers of crap embedded in those propositions. I have no way to know who to believe. I guess I'll just vote for the basic things...fix the levees so we don't become like Louisiana during flood season, shelter the poor battered women. I'm rambling, but some of this other stuff is ridiculous. Put GPS on sexual predators? Seriously? If these people are still a threat, why are we putting them back on the street? How has their sentence done any good to us or them if they're just the same old sick farts? I'm not saying we should castrate the fuckers, but so what if they don't live 2 blocks from a park? They can drive there. Our system is so ridiculous and wasteful. We throw technology at everything, even in medicine. Damn...I'm rambling, but I don't care. I'm so frustrated and disappointed with the world we live in.

I'm just riled up because I just always thought that I could make a difference. I thought people gave a shit about stuff and weren't complete selfish tools. I believed that people got married because of love and that parent-child love is unconditional. I think I'll get a nice dinner and drink my sorrows away...

-bender

come git sum

Damn yesterday was remarkable... I got rejected by a girl I tried to holla at but it fazed me none. My game was out, my Team thoroughly crushed one of the "elite" teams in the NBA (without half of our starting lineup). It was great and on top of the that the bartender was our normal hot bartender and she looked hot in her ladybug costume.

Finally heard from Bender and tried to figure out what we want to do on our longass roadtrip which is going to include much drinking.

-Joe-