I miss the old days...

1 down, 2 more to go

Sitting in my room looking over cardio slides and listening to angry lesbian music. Man...was I always like this?

-bender would like his balls back please

I have returned (again)

Long time no see(or post), well I've been alive and kicking. I'm over the one we've come to refer to as "el ex-o" so anyways I've been managing fine here in LA and hope Bender is doing alright up in cowville. I came to a realization... mexican girls are fucking hot, and I can totally get them... like no barrier for me to cross no racist parents to deal with, it's fucking great. No diss to the asian girls, they had a nice run with me, but seriously... they don't have the body that makes you want to smack yo mama. We all know the stereotypes so no need to put 'em down here. Was out with my cousin getting some tacos in fucking chino or something like that and a nice lil jyna came by to say hello. She didn't know me but knew my cousin, as soon as she got the chance she talked to me and asked flat out... are you single and do you like to dance? Wowsers.... I guess the single life isn't bad ehh? I don't think I'll be seeing her since my cuz recommended I stay away from her and I think I should listen to my family when it comes to women. They were right about the last one so their streak is a helluva lot better than mine. Then I'm at a japanese restaurant later in the weekend... WOOO, some hotties down there and I just chit chatted with one white girl and her friend. I love it when my friends go to the bar and leave me alone waiting for the table... cuz I get to sit next to the hotties waiting for a table. Always play stupid bender... best way to get them to talk to you.

Was speaking with my buddy gaysaint about relationships, women and expectations. I think I've come to the conclusion that I will never take it past 5 dates where I'm doing for a girl and getting nothing in return. 5 dates should be enough for the girl to decide ok this is a guy that I am or am not interested in. None of this 2+ years bullshit. I see happy couples together and the guy treats the girl 1/4 as well as I did my ex and I'm finding myself punching the wall (literally... I'll show you where I just redid a wall... stupid paul) the point I'm getting at is girls aren't evil, there are great girls out there, fucking awesome girls... I just haven't connected with them yet.

I know these guys don't read the blog but I just want to thank G-man, Token White Guy, squeegee, gaysaint and all of my cousins for helping me out during the times I've endured. And a big shoutout to the gayass nba live playing deez nutz up in davis who always had my back no matter what I did.

Bender is over her and I'm glad

Joe is over her as well and wishes both Jenn and Mo the best in their lives. Nothing but love...

You can't take the LA out of the boy

My boy's new car at google

We're having trouble coming up with a vanity license plate. The ones below are already taken.
ISMOKEU
PLAYER
BIGDICK
CUM4ME

If you have any ideas, please leave in comments.

-bender

Cows...

The med school campus seriously smells like the 5 when you're driving up california by the cow farms, except you never drive by the smell...it just lingers, like a bad joke.

-bender

Damn...

Have you ever seen something and been so jealous than it made your skin crawl? I mean, something way beyond a I want that or damn that girl is smoking. On occassion, I'll see a nice bike or car and say that's nice, but I was blown away today. My classmate Mario recently got engaged to a beautiful nice sweet girl. She chased him down all throughout college and recently proposed to him. Wow, I wonder what that must've felt like. Now I see why girls cry at their weddings...shit, wish I had that. I'm happy for him. masel tov my good man. Mother fucking masel tov and blessings to you my fellow man.

-bonder

on a side note, an old friend made me register for click2asia.com, some shady ass asian dating site. Despite its odd similarity to some low budget asian porn websites, it hosts speed dating events in sac and the city. I think I'll get a few of my boys and try it out. More to come...look for future updates.

p.s. Yo Joe, you still coming up to visit me in February or are you peddling all of your resources into getting laid in Nippon?

fuck yeah!

I'm sitting in my room and it doesn't hurt anymore. I've channeled the hurt into pure bitterness and anger to unleash on the freaks. Get the fuck out of my way motherfuckers! It's on.

-bender is back

Casey.. FUCKING... Ryback

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr.Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,

Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario

Aye, my freakin' head...

So me and rabbit decided to hit up a first year party around midnight last night. It was a good ole byob - forty party. I've had forties before, but this was taken to a new level of ghettoness...they came up and duct taped 40s to my hand. Edward forty-hands...you've got to be kidding. Looks like I did a little crunk dialing last night too. haha. Joe, just in case you're worried about me, I'm doing well. Last night was a great ego builder. Girls tell ya things when they're drunk that you only hope that they're thinking when you're sober. haha. shiiiit. Ok...I've gotta go nurse another friggin' hangover. Damn cheap beer and shady company.

-Bender is on a roll

What a night...

You know, nothing really tops a Friday night out with your boys, hopping from bar to bar, harassing the DD, shaking his car and thugging out to old skool hip-hop like tupac...not that there is a new skool, but you get the point. Have your boys make sure that your breath is flammable by the end of the night and that you've got enough munchies to get you through a ghetto owen wilson movie. Hang over? shiiit...let the morning worry about itself. Tonight I'm getting shitfaced.



This drink will seriously fuck you up my friend...

the Wiki Wacky Woo :

• 1/2 oz. Vodka

• 1/2 oz. Rum

• 1/2 oz. Bacardi 151-proof Rum

• 1/2 oz. Tequila

• 1/2 oz. Triple Sec

• 1 oz. Amaretto

• 1 oz. Orange Juice

• 1 oz. Pineapple Juice

• 1 oz. Cranberry Juice

-bender

listening to:
usher - u don't have to call

Stare at the Sun

I sit here clutching useless lists
And keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
Show me what it means to me in this world
Yeah in this world

'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind

I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world

'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind (till I understand or go blind)

I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist
But I can't help feeling like I'm

Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)

Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes

I'm pretty sure we all feel like this sometime, hell I feel like this every day (and believe me i'm stubborn enough to stare until I go blind or understand). Everyone waits for the dare to be great opportunity.. some so they can run away from it, some because they wish to take it by the horns and ride it into the sunset. My whole life I've waited for it so I could take it to the promised land. Now I'm thinking that it may have passed right by me without me ever so much as looking. I had a great life, now I look at what I have and the choices I made and think maybe I might have fucked myself over... but I can't be too sure so I sit here waiting for my auspicious moment to come.

Onto other things, I'm shopping for a digital camcorder due to my urge to start videotaping some stuff that goes on in my life. I'm not sure if it's because I want to have some record of my doings while I'm in this stage of my life or if it's something that I want to do just cuz. My goal is to have it ASAP cuz I'm missing out on some valuable footage.

Joe out...

demotivators

I want to put these up in my office. Goals is definitely my favorite. haha. Damn, my posts are bi-polar.

Bender took fuckitall

Storm Clouds

Shit, they will pass.
Strong Zander. haha. Fucking pussy.

-bender is dis-tur-bed











"The Scream"
Edvard Munch
Rendered ugly in Photoshop via Difference Clouds and insertion of ripples.

Thanks

Damn...my bros be looking out for me. The storm clouds will pass and the sun will shine again.

bender

damn...new cooks?

My breakfast burrito and coffee don't taste so hot today. A bunch of scrubs working at the cafe. Damn amateurs handling my food. You're all fired...if I'm gonna clog my arteries, it better be good.

Bender

I Know You're Reading This

Violating all rules of this board. Sorry Joe. Don't read this. This helps me get through the day.

I wish I were smarter...then maybe I'd know where I went wrong. Responded with longer emails, laughed a little harder at your esoteric jokes. You've gotta admit though, even the indie comedies aren't very funny.

What can I do now? Sometimes I catch myself staring at the wall, then it's time to go to sleep. The breakthroughs are rapidly getting less frequent. But I'm just so used to doing everything with you; I just don't know what to do (1). I thought about going to your work. I don't own a boombox, but maybe I could borrow a friend's iPOD and hook up some speakers. I'm pretty weak, but I think I could hold out through the duration of your eyes (2). I couldn't and you wouldn't say anything, then I'd get arrested for loitering or something like that.

What does that mean? The one? When we're honest with ourselves, isn't it really just another variant of not enough love or not good enough? When did people start thinking about who they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with? I bet there'd be a lot fewer couples, or children for that matter, but I digress...when people say, they're not sure you're the one. Doesn't that just mean that there might be someone out there who is funnier, clicks better, understands you more? Basically, a better match for you, or rather, someone who you love more.

Shit, how do I feel? Like a terminal cancer patient. Always in pain. Where the fuck are my painkillers? Where the fuck is my button for breakthroughs? Like I said before, I want to join the ranks of bitter Jews who pound the pain out of their hearts. It isn't enough that their hearts are beating themselves to death.

What am I doing?

I breathe in, I breathe out (3), put one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time.

shit
Bender

p.s. hey you, take your vitamins/calcium, exercise and lay off the sweets. seriously...take care of yourself please.

I got the shit kicked out of me by love

I have a visual image of the Jews from the Old Testament. They used to stand together and pound their chests over their hearts to express the angst they felt in their souls. Shit...dem Jews. Dey know how to weep.

Joe, I'll call you in a few days. Don't really feel like talking. Took me 5 minutes to figure out how to post on this new setup. weak...

Bender

Sushi is GOOOOOD!!

SqueeGee, Greg and Esteban took me to a sushi place in pasadena not too long ago, was GOOOOOD. I even ate some spicy sushi stuff, tasted good... the spices actually complimented the taste which spice rarely does (in my opinion). While there we saw a drunk guy fight with a black security guard and call him the N word. Big mistake, if there is a BUFF black dude and you call him the N word.... let me know where to send the flowers. I think in a fight you have a fighting chance with a bigger black guy... but once you say that word, your chances drop to ZERO. But back to the sushi... damn.... definitely going back there. ESPECIALLY since Jay was the waiter, and he took care of us real nice so that was a plus on top of a plus. It's weird but I've been to two fancy japanese restaurants so far in 06. I'm not much for nice restaurants because expensive food doesn't necessarily taste better than other food and nothing tastes as great as dodger dogs at the dodger games (SPRING TRAINING COMING SOON) and I'm saving up for some season tickets. Like real season tickets not those stupid 14 game packages but the 81 game packages. They are great because they work as great gifts too, so if its someones bday... BAM.. give em some tickets, anniversary.. BAM give em some tickets. Well we'll see if they have any good spots left and if they do I'm soooooooo down. I'm excited for this season even if we are losing are best *cough* pitcher to free agency.

Anyways SUSHI is sounding good... I think I'm going to that place again real soon, maybe end of the month for another round of some goodass shit.

Joe is liking da raw fish... oh... and the sushi too.

Happy Birthday Bender

Happy birthday buddy.

Wish I was there to take you for a drink and a lapdance or two.

Where is the love???

I just wish I could find some answers to all the madness that is surrounding me right now. I think I'm going to start working out more often and I just got back from signing up at a gym just to assure that (when you are paying a nice expensive premium and you're dirt poor you tend to get your most for the money). I hope that I can get in shape cuz I look at myself and see a shell of who I was. I know people change and I welcome that, but certain aspects shouldn't change. Like me being a fatty... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I am not supposed to be a porker, so I'm going to have fix that crap.

On a high note, Jay gave me the ultimate compliment... "Paul, you are low maintenance" WOO HOO!! Nothing like a confidence booster like that to make you feel better when you think everything has gone to hell. I am going to have to say that anyone who can be happy with rice and beans is alright in my book.

I wonder what is going to be the hardest thing for me to face in the upcoming year. Whatever it may be I hope I am ready to take it balls to the wall and not look back at all.

I've been feeling really shitty lately cuz I haven't been up to Norcal to visit Bender recently but he says he's busy soI guess I can feel a little better. I will be going up soon cuz I want to get out of LA for a while and go get smashed in Norcal with my main hombre.

Getting the inspiration to be skinny is half the battle, getting skinny is the other half (the harder half)

loaves and fishes

Went to a shelter to feed some homeless people today. Little kids living on the streets. Broke my heart. Tupac's words ring true. Life in the hood is all good for nobody.

Bender

The essence of music

Where has music gone? I too was just thinking about this myself just the other day while taking a shower. I must be listening to all of the new wrong music that is coming out, but most new tunes carry very little draw for me because of their weak message. Admitedly, Kiss's Lick it Up and Quiet Riot's Cum on Feel the Noise have very little in terms of message value. Taking it back to the slightly old skool...Rock. Whatever happened to real rebellion and thought? The first time I listened to Metallica, I was blown away. And justice for All was amazing...rebelling. It wasn't without a cause...same shit that goes down today. Wire taps, oppression of people, etc. That's what And justice for all was talking about. One was based on the book Johnny Got his Gun...a guy who gets all four limbs blown off in Vietnam, goes blind and prays for death. I bet a lot of our boys in Iraq feel like that. For Whom the Bell Tolls in Ride the Lightning. Spin-off of Hemingway, not the poem. Talking about a band of brothers fighting for a cause. Punk: Bad Religion. American Jesus, I want to conquer the world...fighting the ignorance and hypocrisy of our culture. Call it counterculture, but it's a sociological analysis of our culture. It's what speaks true to our hearts. Tupac: Life Goes On...I'm not from the streets or the ghettos, but I can relate to the struggles of living day to day and missing the friends that I grew up with. Even basic emotions that transverse across human experience: love. Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight...hands down the most romantic song ever written in my honest opinion. Dire Straits' Romeo and Juliet make me believe in love. Maybe some of these thoughts are too complicated for our youth...but shit. I think it's all the video games, the tv, the pr0n, all those things that destroy those things in life that give meaning to human existence. I'm not trying to be a hater, but whatever happened to Bryan Adams summer of '69 and Bruce Springsteen? They captured the essence of the ephemeral bliss of childhood. Driving with the top down, wind blowing in your hair. Playing your guitar and jamming with your boys. Rolling in the grass. The feeling of seeing a new Mustang or whatever flips your lip. Even television shows...remember the Wonder Years? Remember that cheesy guitar riff they played whenever Winnie Cooper came on screen? Whatever happened to the romance surrounding the anticipation of your first kiss, girls who could stop time and steal your heart with a single glance. Our life is a continuation of the wonder years...you know how it got all disorganized in the end and everything went to shit, except the drama never ended and things never got easier. Bringing this all back to youth...I saw a rusted Spiderman lunchbox today in the cafe.

Whatever Happened to Bender's Lunchbox?

Shitty Music

So lately I've been blasting the Classic rock and lots of LUDA. It's funny how rap was originally in da streets of LA and other ghetto metropolitan areas. It's funny because I was getting lunch recently and saw some FOB's blasting some ghetto rapper and the thing is they couldn't even speak the language. The thing that struck me as odd is... rap music, usually has SHITTY music and emphasizes the lyrics and rhymes. I guess that is just my opinion but seriously music has gone to the shit as of late. Where did all the good bands go? It seems like I got robbed when it comes to music... the early generations had Van Halen, Pink Floyd, Guns n Roses, Bon Jovi, Depeche Mode (in their prime), Oingo Boingo, Aerosmith & Stones (when they were in their 70's... lol), The Kinks, etc.. (the list can go on forever) and nowadays we have NOTHING like that. No ballad's , and the bands on the above mentioned list that are still around are washed up and playing to this generation's shitty taste and just making a mockery of what they once stood for. SIGH, I seriously wish I was born 20 or 30 years earlier than I actually was. Sure I'd have to give up my Luda... but it'd be worth it, to say I went to see the Van Halen live, with David Lee ROTH (splurge) sorry, that was uncalled for. Sure I'd sacrifice my video games that I treasure, but I was thinking about it.... times must have been boring.. so they must have had way more sex back then... so it'd be a valuable sacrifice. Well I could daydream like this all day, but it won't do me any good. I guess I'll have to live with the greats of our times... the so called musicians we have nowadays. I guess it just boils down to musicianship and respecting your profession, it's gone nowadays. Now it's all about getting paid and buying bling and doing commercials for pepsi. Back in the days it was about making good music so you could make money to pay for your orgies and drugs. I guess back then you HAD to make good music to make money, now you just need a good PR team to make money. That's why music sucks, and I hate the shit they push on the radio. I remember when I could turn on the radio and hear different songs all day. Now... it's the same 7-8 songs all day. *Sigh*

If Joe hears another person compare the greats of our time to the REAL greats he's going to go to jail for homicide. Out!!

blue skies...all I see

For some reason I was having a really tough day. One of those me vs. the world kind of things. Then I watched the Rose Bowl and cheered for the Texas underdogs. For a while, it looked as though Lindale White, Matt Leinart (he was off) and Reggie Bush were gonna tear it up. Slowly, Vince Young, #16 and #4. haha. Mostly Vince Young, got the job done. Between the taunting, the pizza and beer...everything became ok again. As I drove home, I stopped behind a car with the license plate LIFES GOOD. Yeah...I guess it is. Sometimes it's tough, but at other times, it's shoo nice.

Bend it like Bender

Learning to read EKG's

Yeah Baby! Give it to me.


















Paging Dr. Bender. Fo Shizzle

NBA Live 2006

my new poison. Dang, my roommate rocks.

Bender